Terra 2's Twelve Days of Christmas
by theCarlinist
Summary: Merry Christmas everyone. Looks like I got this one done just in time!


Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Saber Marionette J. I am merely doing this fic out of love for Satoru Akahori's work, and have no desire to profit (prophet?) from it. 

Warnings: PG-13 for language, adult humor/situations, and general SMJ weirdness. Spoilers for SMJ. 

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**Terra 2's Twelve Days of Christmas**

_On the 1st day of Christmas my true love gave to me: a funky pumpkin-topped tree._  
Otaru: Uhh, could you run that by me again, guys? 

_On the 2nd day of Christmas my true love gave to me: two "Otaru-kuuuuuns"_  
Hanagata: Otaru-kun, we were destined to be together from the moment we met! 

_and a funky pumpkin-topped tree._  
Otaru: It seems pretty tacky to me. 

_On the 3rd day of Christmas my true love gave to me: three Saber Dolls_  
Panther: Those who oppose Lord Faust must die!  
Tiger: And how is _that_ considered getting into the Christmas spirit, Panta? 

_two "Otaru-kuuuuuns"_  
Hanagata: Otaru-kun, *exaggerated pose* YOU ARE GRAVELY MISTAKEN! 

_and a funky pumpkin-topped tree._  
Otaru: And when the pumpkin rots, this place will stink to high heaven... 

_On the 4th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: four hot springs ads_  
Bloodberry: Y'know, this would've been a lot easier if Lime and Cherry weren't around. 

_three Saber Dolls_  
Luchs: We've got the standard point/counterpoint thing going on. 

_two "Otaru-kuuuuuns"_  
Hanagata: You must forget these silly machines. 

_and a funky pumpkin-topped tree._  
Otaru: I wonder if this is even accurate... 

_On the 5th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: five inventions_  
Gennai: Well, I _am_ a genius, if I do say so myself. 

_four hot springs ads_  
Bloodberry: I could finally get Otaru alone with me... 

_three Saber Dolls_  
Luchs: Faust's "counterpoint" *giggles* to Mamiya's "point."  
Tiger: What the hell are you talking about, Luchs? 

_two "Otaru-kuuuuuns"_  
Hanagata: Focus only on me! 

_and a funky pumpkin-topped tree._  
Otaru: Oi, Iwadera, Kiyoshi, are you _sure_ you researched this thing? 

_On the 6th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: six Lime tackles_  
Lime: Otaru, DAAAAA~I SUKI! 

_five inventions_  
Gennai: McGuyver, eat your heart out! 

_four hot springs ads_  
Bloodberry: And I would definately _not_ invite Hana-ko along! 

_three Saber Dolls_  
Luchs: I wish our tailor acutally had a sense of fashion, though.  
Panther: Yeah. He certainly has "odd" tastes. 

_two "Otaru-kuuuuuns"_  
Hanagata: For this sort of thing is best done man to man! 

_and a funky pumpkin-topped tree._  
Iwadera: Otaru-san, I can assure you that we left no stone unturned in our quest for accurate information. 

_On the 7th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: seven "perfect plans"_  
Goeddel: I was always partial to the "Super Groovy Go Get Otaru Mamiya Plan." 

_six Lime tackles_  
Lime: Ne, ne, Otaru, what's "glomping?" 

_five inventions_  
Gennai: They work about as often as Miss Cleo's predictions. 

_four hot springs ads_  
Bloodberry: Even if Hana-ko is my favorite punching bag, he cannot be allowed to interfere! 

_three Saber Dolls_  
Tiger: WE ARE...THE SABER DOLLS!  
Luchs: And don't you forget it! 

_two "Otaru-kuuuuuns"_  
Hanagata:Otaru-kun, let ME be your Santa Claus! 

_and a funky pumpkin-topped tree._  
Kiyoshi: This _is_ the New Texas tradition. 

_On the 8th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: eight Krabbensteifs_  
All of Japoness: A-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Look at the stupid crab mechs! A-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! 

_seven "perfect plans"_  
Goeddel: If only the Saber Dolls hadn't fucked things up... 

_six Lime tackles_  
Lime: I can't help it if I'm super-_genki_! ^_~ 

_five inventions_  
Gennai: _I_ could've come up with something better than those stupid crabs. 

_four hot springs ads_  
Bloodberry: And then, when Otaru and I are alone...*giggles wickedly* 

_three Saber Dolls_  
Panther(to Goeddel): Hey! We did the best we could under the circumstances! 

_two "Otaru-kuuuuuns"_  
Hanagata: Sit on my lap, and I'll grant your every wish! 

_and a funky pumpkin-topped tree._  
Otaru: You _do_ realize that the New Texas tradition was based on the traditions of the United States of America on Old Earth, right? 

_On the 9th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: nine sake binges_  
Bloodberry: *hic* Y'know, thish ish my second favorite thing in the universe!  
Panther: *hic* What's your firsht *hic* favorite thing?  
Bloodberry: *hic* Guessh! *wicked grin* 

_eight Krabbensteifs_  
All of Japoness: *snicker* *snicker* GARTLANT HAS CRABS! *giggle* *snort* *guffaw* 

_seven "perfect plans"_  
Goeddel: But I would have to say that my most perfect plan was the one to capture Lorelei.  
Yang Ming: But you didn't come up with that plan, did you? *smiles* *glasses flash* 

_six Lime tackles_  
Lime: I'm too cute to hate! 

_five inventions_  
Gennai: Not that the Salbelberg was much better... 

_four hot springs ads_  
Cherry: No wonder why it's your "first favorite thing in the universe!" 

_three Saber Dolls_  
Luchs: It is my conclusion that Goeddel is a self-absorbed idiot.  
Tiger: No kidding. 

_two "Otaru-kuuuuuns"_  
*Bloodberry knocks Hanagata into orbit*  
Hanagata: I'm not getting paid enough for this! 

_and a funky pumpkin-topped tree._  
Kiyoshi: Eh, heh heh...Funny thing about that... 

_On the 10th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: ten female wet dreams_  
Cherry: Oh! Otaru-sama! We musn't! Oh! Ah! Oh!  
Lime: Whacha doin' Cherry?  
Cherry(embarrassed):N-None of your concern! 

_nine sake binges_  
Cherry: Maybe we ought to sign someone up for Alcoholics Anonymous, eh?  
Bloodberry: *hic* dunno wha yer talkin' 'bout. 

_eight Krabbensteifs_  
Hess: *sighs* Well, we can't all be perfect. 

_seven "perfect plans"_  
Goeddel: Yang Ming, what are you doing here?  
Yang Ming: None of your concern, old boy! *his glasses flash again* 

_six Lime tackles_  
Lime: Heh heh! *big goofy grin with "peace sign"* 

_five inventions_  
Hess: But I am the true genius inventor on this show. 

_four hot springs ads_  
Bloodberry(to Hess): Heh, a true genius would have some respect for the fourth wall! 

_three Saber Dolls_  
Panther: Hey, you stole my line!  
Luchs: Weren't you two supposed to be drunk? 

_two "Otaru-kuuuuuns"_  
*a new Hanagata-sized hole in the ground is created when Hanagata lands* 

_and a funky pumpkin-topped tree._  
Iwadera: Try as we might, we couldn't find anything on Old Earth... 

_On the 11th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: eleven yaoi fanfics_  
Hanagata: Ooh! Did someone say yaoi fanfics? Oh joy! 

_ten female wet dreams_  
Cherry: Oh, when will Otaru-sama and I get the chance to be alone? 

_nine sake binges_  
*Bloodberry and Panther have both passed out from all the sake they drank. Panther is snoring loudly.* 

_eight Krabbensteifs_  
Hess: They're nothing compared to the MESCALs. 

_seven "perfect plans"_  
Yang Ming: Goeddel, you _do_ realize that you're nothing more than a pawn in _my_ perfect plan, right? 

_six Lime tackles_  
Lime: Ne, ne, Bloodberry, why do you giggle wickedly when you mention your "favorite thing in the universe?" Is it something that I'd be interested in trying on Otaru?  
Bloodberry: Lime, you're too young for this sort of thing. 

_five inventions_  
Gennai: What the hell does "MESCAL" stand for, anyway?  
Hess: Something German that you wouldn't understand. 

_four hot springs ads_  
Bloodberry: Now where did I *hic* put them? Here, hotty hotty hotty hot springs ad! 

_three Saber Dolls_  
*The two sober Saber Dolls sweatdrop at Bloodberry's ramblings* 

_two "Otaru-kuuuuuns"_  
Hanagata: Damn, my HMO won't cover that!  
Otaru: Hanagata, don't you know that HMOs try to weasel their way out of paying even one ryo? 

_and a funky pumpkin-topped tree._  
*Otaru goes over to the nearest computer, and in ten seconds finds the relevant info that Iwadera and Kiyoshi couldn't find after ten days of searching.* 

_On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me: twelve generations_  
Faust: Actually it took ten generations for someone to rescue Lorelei.  
Lorelei: Only if we go by your standards. 

_eleven yaoi fanfics_  
President Joy: Did someone call me?  
Hanagata: AAAACK! 

_ten female wet dreams_  
Cherry: What do you mean by calling them "wet dreams?" I'm not perverted like _some_ people I know. *glares at Bloodberry* 

_nine sake binges_  
Lime: Heh heh, they fell asleep! 

_eight Krabbensteifs_  
Yang Ming: Let's pit the Krabbensteifs against the MESCALs and see who wins.  
Hess: My money's on the MESCALs.  
Goeddel: I'll bet on the Krabbensteifs. 

_seven "perfect plans"_  
Goeddel: After all, the Krabbensteifs are part of my perfect plan to take over the world!  
Lime: Watch "Pinky and the Brain" much, do we? 

_six Lime tackles_  
*Lime glomps Otaru*  
Lime: Otaru's mine! 

_five inventions_  
Gennai: Frankly, I'd put my money on the Japonessguar.  
Yang Ming: I'm not the kind of person that would gamble, but in this case, I'll bet on the Mesopotamia. Fan-Fan, would you get us some more tea please?  
Fan-Fan: Certainly. 

_four hot springs ads_  
Bloodberry(seizing an ad): I found you, my precious!  
Cherry: Great, now she's sounding like a character from "The Lord of the Rings." 

_three Saber Dolls_  
Tiger: You wanna carry her, or shall I?  
Luchs: I have a better idea. We both carry her.  
*They proceed to drag the sleeping Panther back to their apartment in Japoness.* 

_two "Otaru-kuuuuuns"_  
Hanagata: B-b-b-b-but Ot-t-t-t-taru-kuuuuun! You couldn't possibly know what I've been through this entire song! 

_and a funky pumpkin-topped tree-ee-ee-ee._  
*Iwadera and Kiyoshi look at the results of Otaru's search in chagrin.*  
Kiyoshi: Aww, shit. Looks like we'll have to start over. 

OWARI 


End file.
